Liar, Liar Pants on Fire

 “The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.”  Zephaniah 3:17

Had one of those heart to heart conversations today. The ones that bring up the truth of what you are really feeling, the ugly feelings, the hurt feelings. Unfortunately the conversation ended before the light of hope and peace of heart came. Driving on my way home I was hit with the truth. I believe lies. Lies about myself, lies about what or why I am feeling a certain way. Oh, how the father of lies is good at what he does.

For privacy sake I will not name my conversation partner, but we got ourselves in such a pity party about our looks, our weight, our age.....we were pathetic. We were blinded by appearances and forgot the truth. While looks do matter, and yes weight & health are a very important issue, and youth is often wasted, we are not pathetic. We are strong, capable, loving, giving, women. We were created with a purpose. We were created by the Creator of all the universe and we are beautiful.

My little boys love me so much. They want to be with me, hug me, kiss me, tell me I'm pretty,  the best Mommy, the best cook. I am blessed with how much they love their Mama. They are also honest and have noticed that Mommy is.... well.... lets say Pleasantly Plump. The F word (fat) is forbidden in our house. When ever this topic of conversation comes up about me or anyone, I ask my dear-hearts if they love me anyway. Do you love me even though I'm chubby? Am I pretty even though I am chubby?  I want them to grow up seeing past appearances. And like I said earlier, health is what matters in this weighty issue, and it is a lifelong battle for most of us, I am aware of that. But, the character, the soul, the heart, these are the things I want to teach my boys to SEE when they look at someone. The Real Beauty. The beauty that isn't applied like make-up or put on like clothes and jewerly.  The real beauty of a compassionate heart, a sensitive soul, and smile the shines because of the LIGHT within the heart.

"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain    but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30

You're Welcome, I'm sure

Can’t we drive down Oxford Ave, or take Cottman to the Boulevard?

Can we go to Snot Rite and swing by Dunkin Donuts for free coffee

and say, “Dunkin Donuts, it’s worth the trip.”

Can we hear about Father Otto

and Anna Werner again?

Do you have some bags for us to carry in or some fans to be cleaned?

Aren’t there some holly leaves to pick up or some

other leaves to be vacuumed?

Please, can’t we look through one more box?

Can we run the water upstairs or mop the floors?

Can’t we hear you say, “Yo, let’s go” or “Home James”

or how about “Don’t let the door hit you in the a**”

Or our favorite…. “I’ll make a nurse out of one of you yet!”

Can’t you call “Jo-Ann” one more time?

Can you tell us again about how you sewed the silk into ties and stood on your feet in high-heels when you should have been in school?

Can you holler at us for leaving too much tip?

Who will give me a hard time for coloring my hair?

Who will tell Brenda to get the hair out of her eyes?

Who will remind Sarah not to dress like a Quaker?

Who is going to yell at the boys for the “Grape Nuts” magnet?

 We didn’t get to see you wave goodbye….We didn’t get to say,

Thank you, one last time…… In our hearts we often

hear the faint whisper of, “You’re Welcome, I’m Sure.”

Re-vised, April 1, 2011- The 12^th anniversary of her passing

Happy Birthday GMF, Feb 26

Little People in the Tub

I wrote this about 2 1/2 years ago. It was good for me to read it again, things are a bit easier in the bath time routine now. Ian can handle it by himself now and the three of them won't even fit in the tub together anymore.
My little people are growing fast!

After dinner tonight I washed the dishes, bathed “Dirty Gert” and “Stinky Pete”. (Those are the names I call the boys when they need a bath.) Got their pajamas on, switched the laundry, nursed Nolan, bathed Nolan and put him to sleep. Got the boys to sleep, found clean work clothes for Chris, folded some towels and finally went to take a bath myself. Right before I went into the bathroom I said to Chris, “When they are asleep I feel like a good mom. When they are awake sometimes I don’t feel like I’m such a good mom.” With that on my mind, I kneeled down to lift the baby tub out of the big tub and I see, sitting on top of the blue Diego bath mat, all these “Little People”.  The Fisher Price “Little People.” There were about 10 of them sitting in the bottom of the tub. The boys like to play with them when they take a bath. Ryan lines them up on the little shelf for the soap and says, “Ladies and Gentlemen”, like he is announcing something. As I am taking them out of the tub I realize what the Lord had been trying to show me for about a week now. It hit me so hard it brought tears to my eyes. I am not going to have “little people” in my tub forever…. Soon my little people are going to be young men, taking showers, with hairy armpits and caterpillar mustaches. Deep voices (if they are anything like their daddy) are going to come out of my babies mouths and they will call me “mom” and not “mommy”. And soon after that they will only be showering at home on weekends home from college or holidays. Then probably never again will they be in my tub. They will have tubs in their houses that their new wives will have bought a shower curtain for. My boys won’t be my boys anymore…. They will be men.

Like I said the Lord started this revelation in my heart last week, it just took a while to sink in, I am slow, I admit it, and this isn't the first time I needed this reminder. A few of my “more experienced” mom friends (notice I did not say older!) were talking about laundry and how one day the laundry piles will be smaller. Thank you, Michelle, Teresa and Donna. And my friend Liza was able to stop by for a few mins. last wed. night and as she left she reminded me to “Enjoy the season, it goes by so quickly.” She is a mother of 4 boys under 10 years old, two of them are twins, wow! Sat. afternoon I was dropping Ian off at drama practice at church and my friend Michelle asked me how I was doing….Sat. was one of my “not my days”, and I don’t think I hid it from my face very well. She told me that it will get easier and how now she asks her girls to just sit and talk with her for a while. Then just yesterday my friend Connie commented on our new fence and how it reminded her of when her two boys were younger and would play outside until it was dark out. Now one of them is “A Marine!” (said like the Pink Ladies do in Grease). So all those nudges along the way brought me to the little people, I want little people in my tub for as long as they will fit. I wanted so badly to be a mommy; my heart ached for it before I became one. I don’t want to ruin one moment of time with my boys because it “isn’t my day”.

I was reading in my new favorite book by Dr. Laura Schlessinger, called, ‘In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms” and these few lines hit me: “One day they can’t walk, the next day they’re running. One day they can’t talk, the next day they won’t stop. Everything they see, smell, hear and do is a new miracle-enjoy the ride, even though the house isn’t perfect and your neighbor has more jewelry.”

And it Sure Looks Bright

Song by Sara Groves

Spending my time sleep walking
Moving my mouth but not saying a thing
Hoping the changes would take by working their way from the outside in

I was in love with an idea
Preoccupied with how a life should appear
Spending my time at the surface repairing the holes in the shiny veneer

There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real

And I just showed up for my own life
And I'm standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright

I'm going to live my life inspired
Look for the holy in the common place
Open the windows and feel all that's honest and real until I'm truly amazed
          I'm going to feel all my emotions
I'm going to look you in the eyes
          I'm going to listen and hear until it's finally clear and it changes our lives

There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real

And I just showed up for my own life
And I'm standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright

Fall in Love and you Fall Forever

Besides the birth of our Nolan Christian on February 14, 2009, my most memorable Valentines day was when I was in 4^th grade. The Christmas before Valentines Day Cabbage Patch Kids were hugely popular. That was the year parents were waiting in line and fighting over these dolls. My sisters and I wanted CPKids so badly. As a child I don't think I wanted anything more. Most of my friends at school had gotten one for Christmas and were bringing them to school. I loved how they looked, how they smelled, the were magical for me. Sadly my sisters and I didn't get ours for Christmas. My grandmother had hand made all the girls in our family cabbage patch kids and we got those for Christmas. And they were beautiful. We loved those dolls a lot, but they just weren't the 'dream'.

My mother always made Valentines day special, with hand made cards and cut out hearts and candy. But this certain Valentine's Day will be cherished forever. I remember walking into the kitchen before school and sitting on the kitchen table were 3 wrapped boxes. I knew right away what they were. The slight tilt of the box, the right size. I knew. I got her..... my Didi Pollyanna. Red hair in braids. Blue eyes. Dimples. White onesieswith little yellow flowers and a beautiful yellow sweater with rose buds sown on it. And yellow booties. I was in love. It turned out my parents had to go on a waiting list at Christmas time. I took Didi with me everywhere. School, church, friends houses. I was so proud to have my Cabbage Patch Kid. My sister Sarah's doll was named Carmella Lulu, she had brown hair in braids and a red dress with white shoes. My sister Brenda's doll was named Carrie, (can't remember her middle name). She had a brown hair in a ponytail and a yellow corduroy overalls.

Carmella, look-a-like

Didi Pollyanna, look-a-like

Carrie, look-a-like

As I grew Didi was replaced with the things that a little girl grows into.  One day years later I was cleaning my room and for some reason I decided to clean her face with nail polish remover. I wiped one of her eyes and it smeared. I tried to color it back with a marker but she never looked the same. She is still at my moms house and the grand kids pull her out every once in a while.

We still have this playpen at my moms

I will ALWAYS love Cabbage Patch Kids. I have bought one for every little girl in our family. Love like that is real and true.

We all also got CPK carriers

I think Brenda had this

Lydia & Nolan last yr on their 2nd b day with the Cabbage Patch Kids I got them

Dream Catcher

I found this poem when I was a teenager in a devotional book.

This poem has meant so much to me thru the years. I wanted to share it with you.

 

 I want to be a dream catcher
A person who can walk through trials without cringing in fear

or lashing out in anger when thing don't go quite right
I want to be a dream catcher
of dreams that are my own
 Free to dream them and change then because
the Lord knows I am growing and changing everyday
I want to be a dream catcher
 A person who won't stumble when pride sticks out its foot
I want to walk steadily on, my face toward the cross of Christ
I want to be a dream catcher
And though I'm jealous at times when I see my dreams caught by someone else,
The DREAM MAKER reminds me
Heaven will never run out of dreams

 

Booby Traps

The other day the boys were watching Little Einsteins on TV. I was on the couch folding laundry and not paying too much attention to the show. I hear Ian saying, “Booby trap?! That just sounds wrong.” The Little Einsteins were singing a song called “Booby Trap Dance.” Ian just couldn't wrap his mind around what a booby trap was and why in the world these cartoons were singing out boobies. Ryan, decided he was going to fill his big brother in.........He says, “A Booby Trap is when you are near someone who has boobs and your hand gets caught in between their boobies.”

So take this as a warning, be careful, pay attention, you don't want to get caught in a Booby Trap.

They don't call them 'Little Einsteins' for nothing.